Ghost Island Does Events: M&MM

This Sunday at the Royal Ghost Island Theater (Scott & Ben’s living room)

Events start at 7. Play begins at 8 pm sharp. Hanging continues for a little while after.



and then the premiere of my play, the text of which is below:

Movements & Mementos Mori

A: Hold me tightly

B: Tightly? I am like a moist, limp hand on a well-bred lady

A- So you refuse

B- Let’s just say I’d rather squeeze rose thorns

A- So let’s begin again.

B- Good idea. We’re here, in my office, discussing the breaking apart of our lives and the desperate loneliness that’s overwhelming us.

A- Yes, and the great sums of money we are bleeding out of our gaping mortal wounds.

B- Metaphorically

A- Naturally so.

B- What I do is I own a very fine company that makes shoes.

A- And what I do is imagine women who love me.

B- My company makes shining bright leather shoes for men of means.

A- My imaginings are mostly set to lounge music.

(Somewhere Beyond The Sea…(from off stage) BEYOND THE SEA

(Lights go dim)

(We bring in a cardboard panel that looks like a ship and sit behind it)

A- We are in the ocean. The waves will swallow us up like a father sea-horse swallows his babies to protect them.

B- Once I thought I was in love with a girl who lived on a small island off the coast of Washington state.

A- What was her name?

B- You know better than to ask that sort of thing. It makes it too real. What if she’s in the audience?

A- Hey, what did Lou Bega order at McDonald’s

B- You always ask this one

A- Combo # 5

B- Tell me about your truest love before we get swept away by this ocean.

A- There isn’t time or there’s nothing to tell

B- Tell me about your truest lust then

A- She was 5’4″, slender. She looked like the girl sitting stage-left.

(both characters duck below the prop-ship. In a deep voice, someone says:)

voice: They sailed on for five days, fishing and talking, expressing the anxieties of the postmodern subject, pissing and shitting overboard into the depths, feeding the fishes with their excrement

(Musical number. ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’- 4 seasons – BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY from behind prop-ship, we hold puppets that will perform through the number)

(At the 1:55 mark in the song, prop giant Squid comes in and swallows the puppets. Song ends. Lights go dark.)

voice: The colossal squid was no squid at. He was an amphibious space ship that swallowed them up and then launched out of the sea and into the stratosphere. Our intrepid heroes were stunned at first, passed out, and eventually came to far beyond the earth.

(lights come up, background has changed to a large sign on which is written ‘Space Ship Interior’)

A- We are in space. I wonder why we aren’t floating around.

B- This squidship must have artificial gravity.

A- I’m glad of that. And also of the well stocked bar they have here.

(Pours two whiskeys, gives one to B)

B- Thank you.

A- Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend the sadist?

B- Look at that asteroid!

A- Oh yes, she used ass steroids to make her butt bigger.

B- What?

A- Well, did I tell you about her?

B- I dated a masochist once. She said she liked it when I didn’t call her.

A- I remember that one. With the ever-present nipples.

B- Anyways, sorry, tell me about this sadist

A- She sent me a bouquet of razors, neatly tied. She left a note on them that said ‘Slice up your face but leave those ribbons hanging.’

B- And you sliced?

A- Of course. And she came and snipped off the skin ribbons and tied them wet and warm against my wrists and ankles.

B- (quizzical look)

A- We were neither of us wearing any clothes. Well, it was messy, all that blood.

B- And then what happened?

A- I don’t care to kiss and tell.

B- Need another drink?

A- It might help

(B refreshes their drinks. Lights go dim. Singin’ in the Rain plays. Take bows)


1 Response to “Ghost Island Does Events: M&MM”

  1. 1 Luckycloud
    March 13, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Is there any way you guys can film this? The play and the demonstration? I would really love to see it, but obviously I cannot be there, even though Ben did, as promised, add a third joke.

    Plus, it would be nice to build an archive of Ghost Island events on the web. Ghost Island is a web that extends everywhere!

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